“Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.” – Susan Cain
From whatever little I remember of my childhood and from all that I have been told about it, one thing that has remained consistent, is that I was always an extroverted, chirpy, ‘volatile’ child. Regardless of how much I hated being around anyone other than my Mom, I could get along with people if left to entertain myself with them for some time. I was basically an extroverted child- I didn’t mind the company of ‘people’. If anything, I enjoyed being a ‘people’s person’. I reveled in the attention and glory that public appearances were always accompanied with.
Over the years, however, all this changed. And changed drastically. Exactly when this happened, I wouldn’t be able to point out. However, it did happen. The change that came about was that, whereas, back then, if given a choice between a quiet evening at home and a party where the whole town was going to be present, I would never even consider the former to be an option, today, that sad position has become occupied by the latter. And this doesn’t apply simply to parties- it applies to any kind of social gathering at all. I don’t know just when I grew up to be this person that I’ve become but it seems to me as if the situation was never any different at all. It seems as if I have, infact, always been this way.
I don’t know when/ why/ how this happened and whether this is simply a phase. I don’t know how long it is going to last if this is, indeed, a phase. I have an instinct that it’s here to stay, though. I don’t like the idea. I never have liked the idea of introversion. I’ve always wondered why someone would rather sit back and observe the drama from the sidelines than actually be an active part of the play. Never have I appreciated the idea of not being ‘out there’ in the fields, working, interacting, playing with people and yet, I find myself choosing Pajamas over People on more and more occasions. I’ve always believed introverts to be weak, lost souls and had never even dreamed of turning into one myself. It seems like a despicable thing to turn into. Yet, however despicable and stupid it might seem, it has been attracting me towards itself for a while now. And the unfortunate part is, that I’ve started giving in to the alluring, repeated advances that introversion has been making on me.
Given a chance, I’ll choose solitude over company, anyday. I dont like this change- yet, find myself unable to do anything about it.
Will elaborate soon.