The (Un) Welcome Change.

“If you’ve been up all night and cried till you have no more tears left in you- you will know that there comes in the end a sort of quietness. You feel as if nothing is ever going to happen again.” – C.S.Lewis

The quietness envelopes her. She looks at her phone for the nth time. Always resolving it to be the last, but always getting drawn to it just one more time as if the damned thing was working an invisible force upon her. First comes an expectation, then comes hope, then comes pain and then the anger comes, runs its course and goes away too. Then come the tears. It’s nightfall by now. First it’s what he did, then it’s what Mom did, then it’s what she herself did, then it’s what the world did- today, yesterday, and years ago. Everything makes a difference tonight.

Dark forces seemed to be working their dreadful magic on her existence. The teddy bear on the bed seemed to be awaiting his chance for her to drop off to sleep so he could unleash gruesome attacks on her. The world, she decided, was a miserable place. Everything about everything and everyone sucked- specifically the fact that everything and everyone existed.

Strategically speaking, this was the perfect time for the tears to attack. The glands were therefore directed to work overtime- and they did, as if on doses of nicotine. A light penetrating ache in the tummy crawled up to the heart. The figurative ache turned to literal pain, sobs escaped her lips. The salty tears left meandering marks behind on her pale face, and yellowish stains where the tears fell on the pillow. The poor pillow.

All that couldn’t be expressed in words was wept through the tears. So many things ran through her mind, but almost simultaneously, a nothing-ness seemed to engulf within and around her. She slept a sound sleep after a week of nights spent tossing and turning in the bed. The restless energy- perhaps, her spirit- seemed to have lost its cause (causes?) of restlessness. She conked off into a beautiful, dreamless slumber.

When she woke up the next morning, she felt as if it was her very first morning of life on Earth. The screaming of the birds now sounded like beautiful songs that were being sung only for her. The sun wasn’t raging down his heat, the rays falling on her face seemed to light up not just her face but also her existence. Her clumsiness of the past week had suddenly turned to grace imitating that of Aphrodite herself, and the metro to office she seemed to be missing everyday seemed to now arrive on the platform just as she finished climbing up the stairs to the platform.

Life, in general, seemed beautiful and chirpy. The miserable job seemed inviting, the world seemed colorful, the fights of the past week seemed stupid, the paleness had suddenly turned to radiance, the lost appetite was back, she felt warm towards her friends and fuzzy towards the folks, irritation turned to calmness, and- life generally didn’t suck after all!

So much changed with that unwelcome but welcome change she found on her bed-sheet the next morning. Poor bed-sheet. She woke up with a smile on her face. And a curse upon her lips.

“Fuckin’ hormones.”



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